From the Assistant Principal
Dear Parents and Carers,
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you all for the warm welcome I have received upon my return to St Matthew’s. While I have immensely enjoyed being at home with my children for the past year, it’s so lovely to be back at my second home in the St Matthew's community. I am looking forward to working with you all as we enter the final term of 2022.
As we head towards the end of the year, it’s common to feel stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted and worn out. Dr Siggie Cohen has some wonderful tips that I would like to share with you over the coming weeks about staying calm in challenging situations. Siggie Cohen is a psychologist specialising in child development. She has worked in the field of education and psychology for more than 35 years.
It’s hard to keep your composure all the time, you are not alone. Yes, staying calm, composed and in control of your emotions is the ultimate goal. HOWEVER, no one is able to stay calm 100% of the time. Of course not. After all, you are human, you have feelings, you have triggers, parenting is hard and this is real life. So, while yes, you should actively and continuously work towards the goal of remaining calm, confident and composed for your children, don't forget to be patient with yourself in the process. Because it is a process. Show yourself empathy and above all, don't give up.
Step 1: Understand your triggers…
The very first step to being able to stay calm is understanding your triggers. Not the surface triggers, but the deep, underlying triggers.
Think about what your triggers are. What is it that your child does that triggers you to feel upset, frustrated, embarrassed, angry? Surface triggers are real and valid. However, there is usually a deeper reason we lose our cool…
|
Surface trigger |
Dig deeper - Underlying trigger |
|
“I get angry when my child doesn’t listen to me.” |
Because things are not going my way and I want to be in control. Because I was raised to believe that not listening is disrespectful and I feel offended. Because I’m not getting what I want and it doesn’t feel good. |
|
“I feel anxious when my child acts out in public” |
Because I’m concerned about what others are thinking of me and my child. Because it’s important for me to be perceived as a good parent. Because I’m worried something may be “wrong” with my child or with my parenting. |
Notice how many of the surface triggers put blame on your child, while the underlying triggers are more focused on you and understanding your reaction. It’s the true, underlying triggers you want to work to identify. And only when you can really understand your underlying triggers, can you then work to manage them. Continue to ask yourself these types of questions to better understand your triggers:
- Why am I feeling angry (overwhelmed, frustrated etc) right now? But really... why?
- The last time I got very upset with my child, what was going on with me?
- What was I feeling?
- Why did I react that way?
- Where/how did I learn to react that way? What was getting triggered in me?
- How would I prefer to respond when this happens again? (when, not if)
- Is this how I always react, or was there something else going on?
- Are my needs being met?
- Am I looking for others to help me manage my emotions?
- Is this actually about my child, or is this really about me?
Rachel Powell
Assistant Principal (Acting)
rachel.powell@cg.catholic.edu.au